How to Survive the Family Blame Game

Accusation. If you’ve been falsely accused, that very word leads to a jarring, churning pit-in-the-stomach place. Its roots mean “toward” and “lawsuit.” It’s a guilty-until-proven innocent word. 

If we’re guilty, accusation is the moment of truth. If we’re innocent, accusation is the truth of the moment.

Scripture captures this idea. “The first to speak in court sounds right, until the cross-examination begins” Proverbs 18:17 (NLT). This is true in the courtrooms of our families, too. Unfair accusations lobbed by loved ones may win over siblings, aunts, and exes. Maybe your own soul even becomes conditioned to pleading guilty.

You’ll never be enough.

You’ll always be a screw-up.

You never do anything right.

You’re not the daughter I hoped for.

You are such a burden.

You don’t act like a Christian.

Here’s a freeing truth: You can’t stop someone from making an accusation. But you can stop yourself from being afraid of it. We have a cross-examiner who says:

You’ll always be enough in me.

Your screw-ups will never outpace my grace.

I have placed my righteousness upon you.

You’re exactly the daughter I hoped for.

My burden is light.

You act more like Me every day!

Our enemy accuses us day and night, trying to diminish us in God’s view. There are people who take a page from his playbook. Some of them are in our families. If that’s your story, I’m so sorry. Pray the tangled-up prayers to God. Ask Him where He was during all of that. Say hard words out loud to trusted friends who will hold them with care. Seek counseling and do the work. Overwhelm the fraud tapes with God tapes. There is grief in all of this, so grieve.

But give it a shelf life. 

Because that jarring, churning, pit-in-our-stomach place has had its day. God didn’t place us on this rock simply to survive the family blame game. We get to walk free from accusation today. So, let’s do that.

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(If your family dynamics are difficult, I’ll be stepping over these landmines with you as a new member of the Joyful Life writing team. My inaugural post, “When Family Hurts You—How to stand Strong When Family Knocks You Down,” appears tommorow. Look for details on Instagram at @lauriedaviesauthor.)

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